Mum's the Word

Then I'll just hang myself for good measure

I realize that this blog is short on good news and long on the complaining. I know that. The thing is that I have found myself in a life situation where I have absolutely no outlet for my frustrations. My husband tries to fix things without understanding them - an endearing quality in that it's sweet that he wants to help but frustrating because sometimes all a girl really wants is a hug and a pat on the back and a voice saying, "Boy that must be awful. I'm sorry it sucks for you. Can I get you a dry martini, extra olives?" (Attention Men: Do you hear that? I just told you what women want at least half the time. Don't say I was never on your side!)

I wouldn't lay this all on my daughter in any case (besides being only a year old and thus very short on life experience, she also cannot talk and she does not make a good martini). My best friend is now halfway across the country and has her own problems. My mother would worry so damn much that the guilt I'd feel is not worth the relief of confession.

And so here I am. 'Fessing up to y'all.

The background you need to know is this: I teach 8th grade. At the beginning of this school year, I got the not-so-coveted job of being our 8th grade team leader. Then I broke my leg and was out of school for 6 months. Someone else had to take my position as team leader. Now that the year is coming to a close and the replacement lead is retiring, there is an open spot. My colleagues have really been pushing me to take the position but the fact is that I really don't want it. There is a stipend and I am an organized person but I got into teaching from another career because I loathe meetings and I hate managing people. I didn't want another career-driven job - I wanted a job where it was ok to be good at what you do, to like what you do and NOT feel pressure to move up some sort of ladder.

But please don't forget I'm just the girl who cain't say no. I'm a terrible idiot.

Our principal threw open all his leader positions this year because of a district wide situation that mandates it. If you were interested, you would send him your name and if more than one person was interested he'd hold interviews.

Christ.

Guess who sent in her stupid, stupid name?

That would be yours truly, AnonaMum StupidHead,

Please understand that I Do. Not. Want. To Do This. It's not enough money to make a difference and it means extra days of work that take me away from my baby. But I've been trained since I was a very little girl to go out for anything that pushes you up in the world. Every opportunity should be taken. It's so goddamn hard for me to not volunteer.

I'm tempted to blow this "interview". Why do I want to be lead? Well... I don't actually. But you can't say that, can you?

Shit.

Labels: Bitch and moan, I'm a glorified babysitter some days

posted by AnonaMum @ 7:49 AM