Mum's the Word

All this time

AnonaGirl celebrated her first birthday this weekend. It was the culmination of weeks of frantic work on our house because her party was the first one we've had at our place in years. Usually we celebrate everything at my mom's, but this year I wanted to start a new tradition for AnonaGirl.

Everybody seemed to have a great time, especially AnonaGirl herself, who loved playing with the other kids who showed up. Being an only child, she hasn't had a ton of exposure to other kids. She gazed with hero worship on the oldest girl there, a 6 year old who has twin brothers and who, after being followed Just Long Enough by AnonaGirl announced in no uncertain terms, "I am not your mommy!" and flounced off to get some snacks.

AnonaDad and I are pretty... well, we're actually terribly bad at making friends. I can count my friends on one hand, which I don't actually mind too much, because they're thick-and-thin friends. I've known them all for years and I know they've got my back just as I have theirs. But I can't think of a single person outside the family who AnonaDad considers a friend. I often think this is sad, but I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to do. If there's anything that can actually be done. Which I'm not even sure about in the first place.

I worry that between her father's hermit-like existence and my own issues with making friends AnonaGirl will be at a distinct disadvantage socially. I've signed us up for classes over the summer both to get us out of the house regularly but also to expose her (and me) to others. The classes are through our community center and I really hope they're good. Any other ideas?

This whole weekend I was flashing on what was happening This Time Last Year. I kept catching my breath as my gaze fell on my baby standing, cruising around, taking tentative steps on her own. "This time last year she was getting her first bath..." She loves to hand things to people and have the item handed back to her. "This time last year we were being moved into the post-partum room..." She gets intimately involved in exploring her world, passing toys back and forth between her hands and then testing them in her mouth. "This time last year I was alone with her for the first time..." As I opened her presents she sat in a sea of wrapping paper and ribbon, waving tissue paper in the air to hear it crinkle and then grinning up at me with a gap-toothed smile so wide it broke my heart. "This time last year she had her first hospital visitors."

It's been the fastest year of my life. It seems like every time I turn around it's time to get the baby up, or put her to sleep or fix a bottle. Everything in my world seems to revolve around her because I love to be with her so much. She entertains me in a way that nothing has before - I can watch her play for hours at a time, and sometimes I do. Her bumps and bruises wreck me and her victories swell me up with pride.

Things are actually better than they were at exactly this time last year. I had a horrific time breastfeeding, as my milk never came in though I was insanely engorged. AnonaGirl had thrush, which she passed on to me and by this time last year I was in horrific pain. Every time I put her to the breast I grit my teeth to keep from crying out in pain. Within 24 hours we would be in the ER because AnonaGirl had spit up blood and we weren't sure it was from my cracked nipples or her intestines (it was me. All me. And it was at that point that we broke out the bottles and formula because she had lost too much weight and was becoming dehydrated). I would rather not remember all the details of this time last year.

But I would do it again for her in a nanosecond. I would do anything for this tiny person. Just anything. When she clambers into my lap, holding her animal book out so we can read it together - I would do anything to keep that safe. No matter what was happening last year, my life in this one is just fine.

Labels: The Mummy Returns

posted by AnonaMum @ 10:33 AM